Thursday, 1 September 2016

Drabble #8: A story in 100 words

For representational purpose only
“Take off your clothes.” I said, pointing the gun at the scantily-clad whore.

“Look, mister, I can do more than that for ten grand. You want it kinky?

Her voice was as phoney as mine. Maybe she was married too.

“Just your clothes.”

“Well, if that’s all you want, mister,” she shrugged and dropped her bra and tights.

“Now turn around slowly.”

I tipped my hat low over my face. I could see in the light of the moon that she’d a body to die for. Next minute I went into 

rigor mortis—I was staring at my naked wife.


Note: For previous Drabbles, click here.

22 comments:

  1. Good one. Reminds me of the scene in the movie True Lies where Jamie Lee Curtis is conned by her husband Arnold Schwarzenegger to go to a hotel to carry out a secret mission...

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    1. Thanks, Unknown! I recalled the scene from TRUE LIES soon after I put up the short. I enjoyed the film. Schwarzenegger was a fine entertainer in his earlier films.

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  2. Surprise, honey, I'm home! :) Good one!

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    1. Thanks, Charles. Maybe I ought to compile a book of drabbles someday!

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  3. The fun some people have when they're at home and think nobody is looking!

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    1. Hi Sergio! Actually, this takes place in an alley but I couldn't factor that in because I ran out of words. Both husband and wife lead secret lives.

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  4. Nice work, Prashant. I like the O. Henry-type twist at the end.

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    1. Thank you, Elgin. I'm afraid I have never read O. Henry's short stories — my loss.

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    2. I also liked the way you included the book cover to lend an illustration to the story.

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    3. Thanks again, Elgin. I tried it earlier with Mickey Spillane's MY GUN IS QUICK though my drabble did not reflect the cover. It's good for generating story ideas.

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  5. Oh, Prashant, this is great! I do love that twist at the end, and I like the noir feel of your story. Beautifully done!

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    1. Thank you, Margot. Glad you enjoyed it. A drabble is not easy because it can be written in so many ways. There were a few elements I wanted to put into this one. A hundred words is never enough.

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  6. There is always a chair for rigor mortis to set in. Good one, Prashant.

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    1. Thank you, Oscar. I wanted to try something different, not the usual cigarette dropping from his mouth and a dazed expression on his face. Well, rigor mortis is some exaggeration, I agree.

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  7. I loved that ending, Prashant.

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    1. Thank you, Tracy. I think the ending is the key in a drabble or 50-word dribble.

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  8. Terrific stuff, Prashant. I never even knew that 'drabble' existed. Where have I been? I'm tempted to write something myself. Maybe we ought to have a 'drabble' challenge!

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    1. Thank you, Yvette. I have been doing this for a while. My friend Margot Kinberg, who has hosted drabble challenges on her blog, introduced me to it a few years ago. It's good fun. I haven't tried the 50-word Dribble yet.

      I'd love to read what you come up with!

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  9. Aargh - great stuff and a killer ending. Nicely done Prashant, very creative.

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